that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
