Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
