She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
