If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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