I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
