this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
