I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
