...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.