I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her