I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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