K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize