Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
