1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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