youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
