Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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