Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
