Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
