If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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