my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
