You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
