Your dad touched me again.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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