her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
