i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I won the penis lottery.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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