we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
