I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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