im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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