His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
