We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
