Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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