I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
