Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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