I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
