He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
