Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
