We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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