we're blogging at a bar
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
