she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
