Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
