What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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