we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
