my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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