i just had sex bonerless
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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