I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
