8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
