1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
