Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You left your phone here
Wait...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
