yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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