Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
