The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
