Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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