Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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