i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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