I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
