They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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