He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
