thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
