Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
