Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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