2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
