you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
