I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
