I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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