my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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