She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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