this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
