I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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