Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
