i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
