Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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