He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
