I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
