I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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