you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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