I want to walk on stilts...naked
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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