two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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