My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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