Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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