A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
