I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
