I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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