Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
